March 18/19 2020 (Wednesday/Thursday)

Truth without grace (kindness) is mean

Its like surgery without anaesthesia

Grace without truth is meaningless

It’s like a cheerleader without a team

(Source: pastor jimmy evans)

Mom started to accuse me of stealing from her kitchen. In the past, sibs had come in and out, taking things from her. With the corona virus threat, food is very important and she is afraid that all the food will be taken away and she might starve. MOSTLY MOM IS WORRIED THAT PA MIGHT STARVE. 50 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, HARDLY A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HER SERVING HIM FOOD AND DRINK WHEN THEY ARE TOGETHER. Mom can’t leave and buy food freely now because of her Parkinson’s disease.

Mom has also prevented me from using the appliances in the kitchen.

When sibs bring food, i need to make room for new foods in the refrigerator. Leftovers that i won’t eat myself, i can’t bring myself to reheat and serve them.

Pa is so worried that food are being chucked away that he just stuffed random things in the refrigerator, causing good fruit to bruise.

Or sometimes they (i don’t know who) hide perishable foods. Days later, i would find these food moldy, back in the fridge.

March 18 2020 9:07am

When i came down, mom was already in the kitchen washing. Pa had already left to catch bus 546. I wasnt sure if mom was still angry. Since she might get physically abusive, i stayed out of harm’s way, quickly said goodbye to her and made my way to the zoo. Mom, a few months earlier, in anger, had broken off the ear to a mug that i really like. Of all the mugs mom could have taken out her temper on, why did she picked the one that i liked most, i thought. 🤔😞 It’s only coincidental as i never told anyone that was my favorite mug.

Mom in her younger years had thrown butcher knife in anger. In her later years of her life, she is still physically and verbally abusive. Highly inconsiderate, ie, showering at 2am in the morning. This makes the job of caring for her extremely difficult and exhausting.

Today, it’s the beginning of a brand new day,. I woke up not sick with corona virus. My God is all good all the time. Amen.